Forgiveness ... or not? [Liluth + Ebony + Sarain]

Sarain fidgeted nervously as she led Ebony on the back of Eru through the streets. There was a sense of post holiday depression, all the decorations were still up yet the festivities were over. Ebony's feet were still bandaged and sore from attending Harvest Eve just for Sarain to experience what it was like in Song Lu, and she appreciated it but felt bad now that he couldn't walk today as much as he normally could.

They were making their way to Liluth's residence, and everything screamed at Sarain that this was a bad idea. Ebony wanted to find closure for this, to move on but Sarain feared Liluth wouldn't be ready. Neither of them had slept well that night, Ebony because his thoughts were too preoccupied with fixing his mistakes and Sarain because Silver kept whispering in her ears. It was getting harder and harder to push her away, and any day now she feared Ebony would catch on.

What's so wrong about him seeing the cracks in your heart? They were always there after all, and he was the one who caused the pieces to start falling apart.

Sarain had chosen to walk instead of ride with Ebony under the reasoning that she could lead Eru easier this way. In reality, she hadn't wanted to be too close to him in case he could somehow sense her inner turmoil. But, she reasoned with herself, his own inner turmoil was so much that he barely noticed anything around him. Still, he had been so adamant on seeking out Liluth that she had agreed to lead him to her and now she was starting to regret that promise.

At last, the familiar residence came into view. "Here we are," she murmured to Ebony, warning him that they were approaching. She walked up to the front door and turned the knob, opening it to let them in.

Liluth lifted her gaze up from map hearing someone enter the house. She lifted her eyebrow and curious went around the corner to see who was there. "Valdarim? I thought y--" elf couldn't finish her sentence when her heart almost stopped.

There she stood like frozen, staring with empty glare on someone she never expected to cross paths again on her free will. Ebony - he stood right in front of her. Few seconds passed until Liluth's brains accepted what was happening, and processing that Sarain was that who let him inside her house. With hurt eyes she looked upon her formal guest, expressing disbelieve. 

"You ..." Liluth barely whispered, slowly approaching, comers. She stopped right next to Sarain, looking only at raven hair boy, who looked so scared and broken right now. For second dark elf's heart trembled from pity, but after half second all that was shadowed by growing rage, having quick flashbacks in her head of what that boy had done to her and Faolan.

As suddenly fire burned in her body, as suddenly dark elf flied her fist right in boy's face, knocking him off his feet. 

"HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TO SHOW YOUR MISERABLE FACE TO ME ... TO BREAK IN MY HOME??!" Liluth hissed out in low, rough man voice, expressing only rage through her words.

Falling on his side and out of the door, he hit the ground hard letting out nothing but silence. He placed a shaky hand on his cheek that now hurt and whimpered with his head lowering until it was on the floor. His body shook violently due to the simple fact of fear that he will get hit again. He tried to speak but each word came out broken and far too low for anyone to hear properly. His tears already began to flow but he tried his best to keep as quiet as possible, biting his lip to remind himself the wrong he had done. His nose bled as well during this but he did nothing to wipe it away. He in fact did nothing to provoke anyone around him while he listened to her rage and Sarain trying to calm the situation. 

He tried to drag his feet and find a way to lift himself up but with little amount of strength that he had, he could only turn himself towards Liluth, forming a bowing position. He kneeled, his head on his hands with his knees resting on the floor and tried again to speak. "I..-" he started. " I'm so sorry- I'm...sorry..." he whimpered. " I--I couldn't stop myself...I tried...I tried- I --" he bit his lip again and from there he realized how his apologies all sound the same. Apologizing for his mistakes, doing something he never meant to and tried stop it even if he couldn't. How would he explain anyone what happened...to make them understand that he truly never meant for this to happen. His feet hurt when he took on this position, with them weighing on the front and caused the skin to stretch and to bleed yet he ignored it as he continued to apologize. " I cried out for help....when I knew the old ma-- " he winced, stopping himself. " --Mr.Barath, was there I ... shouted, I cried...I wanted him to see...but...I only lashed out instead...I -- and the more I did the less willing he became...and the more angry he became...and I just...--" he whined. " I just wanted someone to help me...but instead I caused only pain...and destruction around me...I couldn't stop it. " he wailed. " I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...." 


His body shook as he laid there silently. " He's right you know... that I'm destructive towards everyone I'm with...Everyone I cherish and love, everyone I care about...they all get hurt..or worse...." he sobbed, eye closing. " Why should I live knowing that all I do is hurt people....I'm a horrible person...I don't have the right to live....." 

Sarain let Liluth move past her, staring at the ground where she had once stood before. She knew she had broken Liluth's trust by bringing Ebony here, but she had wanted to try to start setting things straight. Apologies didn't necessarily warrant forgiveness, and there were some things that couldn't simply be apologized for. But if one were willing to spend the effort making up for it, weren't apologies the first step to take? Wouldn't it be a matter of proving yourself worthy of a second chance? Even if forgiveness never came, for some things couldn't be forgiven, shouldn't it be possible to still be able to mend things?

Is that why you're trying so hard to fix him? You want to try to make up for your own sins through fixing others. How selfish is that?

Every word exchanged was like a knife to her chest. These two people that she held so dearly were hurting terribly, and there was nothing she could do but let them talk it out. Liluth's final accusation made her heart drop, and she turned quickly to face them, eyes wide. 

That's right, you're ruined. Why don't you just give up this little farce? You can't fix anything, especially not here.

"L-Liluth," she stammered. "Don't tell him... He doesn't... He doesn't need to..."

Liluth kept staring at broken boy, and as her burning eyes met with his empty ones, she saw nothing but darkness luring out of them. Chills run down elf's spine. She kept quiet the whole time, letting Ebony say all he had to say. Liluth stayed blank as paper, not expressing anything through her expression, but her eyes almost burned from rage inside her.

As the boy stood up, Liluth did the same, facing him in full stand. Suddenly elf's face bloomed with mad grin, as he asked for death. But soon it vanished, as she got her humanity back in her head. No, she wouldn't kill in her house, in Valdarim's house. It would be unforgivable.

"Do you ask death? ... YOU ARE WEAK!" Liluth spitted out, suddenly grabbing boy's throat and pushing him against the wall. With quick glance to Sarain, she stopped girl from interrupting. In her eyes was insurance that she wasn't going to hurt him again. At least not physically. Gripping tighter around boy's throat, Liluth did something what she was against, but it just happened; she started to let her magic in the boy, starting to heal him. Like this, she felt his injuries, both, from inside and outside. She felt the cold darkness in him, what lured from every corner.

"Do you think you are the only one who has committed such sins, that gods themselves cannot forgive it, ..." she spitted words out quickly, continuing healing act, " ... I have lived through great lost, I have taken innocent lives, ... I HAVE LOST A CHILD ... I never can have a normal family ever again ... I am failure as a mother. " Elf paused for a moment, finally finishing her healing process, leaving Ebony's skin with out any marks on, only scars, if they were on before.

"YOU ARE NOTHING SPECIAL, BOY! ..." Liluth spitted again, trowing boy to side, not really putting force in it this time, " ... because of things you have done, it does not make you anything special. Everyone has their painful sins, but they accept them and live on ... we have something you lack of - courage! "

Courage ....What does it mean to have courage when you never had any from the start...Ebony clenched his hands into a fist when he tripped over. He caught himself against the wall and slid down, his back turned towards the two women. Why did she heal him...why couldn't she just end it there...

"Ivory. " he spoke, with a clearer throat. " She was my sister 20 years ago....I ...didn't say anything before Sarain but it came back...everything came back. " he sat on the floor and held himself. " We were having fun together. She was showing me her familiar and asked me to do the same. I did...but--- but--instead of something harmless I...summoned something horrid and dangerous. I killed her... I killed her and all I could do was watch as it happened. I remember losing my mind, losing everything about myself. I felt like I could not live anymore and my father decided to wipe it all away and pretend that she never existed just for my sake... just for me. " he whimpered, his voice breaking once more. " I never had courage to begin with...I always were a coward through and through...always running away from my troubles, always running away from danger...running away from the truth. " 

"She smelled like berries...like blueberries and she had a sweet voice too. She was my shining knight. I looked up to her for help and she came through...and I destroyed it all. I destroy everything I touch- " he hid his face. " --I'm sorry Sarain....If you never met me you would never be hurt like this...I never meant to break you ...." he paused smiling solemnly. "-- You made me think everything will be okay, that I could make you smile and laugh but most of all...I just wanted to protect you, I wanted to keep you safe but instead I led you right into danger."  

He pulled himself up, his feet feeling better than before and turned towards her and smiled at her. " I love you Sarain. I do, I truly do. " He turned to Liluth and smiled too. " I'm sorry but to find courage I would need to find my light again. To rid of the guilts that plague me now... " he shifted his eyes downward. " And I know I'm not special...I never asked to be, so don't think I want to be. " 

Sarain flinched again, knowing exactly who Liluth was referring to. She'd seen Faolan's annoyance with dealing with Ophelia, she didn't want Ebony to face his anger. It was Liluth's only warning never to cross his path and she knew that warning was to her to keep them apart, because Ebony probably had similar thoughts about apologizing to the conjurer. The consequences of their meeting would be too severe. If Faolan was that angry at Ebony, she wouldn't be surprised if he cut off the trade agreement he had with her for even bringing the boy this close to Liluth. Of course, the shop was under a different name now, so perhaps the business side would escape unscathed.

She hadn't even noticed the tears forming in the corner of her eyes until Liluth wiped them away. "I just wanted to help him," she whispered, finding her voice again. "I didn't mean to make you angry. I love him too; maybe that's why it hurts so much."