You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN]

Nalytia
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 5, 2015 16:24:54 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 5, 2015 16:24:54 GMT

Four weeks.

The whole event had happened and blown over in four weeks, though the actual recovery process took a little less than three. Moriel stood in the shop, moving bottles from a box to her side and onto the shelves. Today was one of the first days she had finally managed to get back onto her feet and move around freely on her own; the only reason she was working in there now was because she couldn't stand laying around doing nothing in that bed any longer. She had to get up, get back to working, keep moving to keep her mind from getting stuck on any one thought for too long. And since Mae wasn't really letting her go anywhere beside the shop and her own home...

Still, she was weak and she knew it. The poison from the initial attack, though it was mostly cleared from her system, had still managed to do enough of a number on her in the short time it was in her body that even a task as simple as stocking the shelves was tiring her arms. She sighed, putting another bottle on the shelf and pausing to give herself a rest. She glanced towards the door to the back room, wondering if Maera was still working away in the basement. She had worried so much over Moriel in the past bundle of weeks she had decided to move in with her and look over her for every second of every day. It was almost suffocating, but also a relief to know that she cared for her so much.... It was nice to know that anyone did. As it was, Maera was the only one who had been visiting her regularly; Iollan came almost every day in the beginning, but only to find out what had happened. Once he did, he stopped visiting all-together and Moriel hadn't seen him since. Galaeron.... He was the first person she saw when she finally woke up... He brought her a gift and everything, and still, she treated him so badly... She hasn't seen him since that first day. Even after she managed to start walking around and see some townsfolk, the only thing they gave her were looks and cold shoulders; word must have spread fast about what she tried to do to herself. A weak move in a town of people who judge others based off of power.

Moriel absent-mindedly rose a hand to her chest, over just one of the three still-sore scars she had gotten from the attack itself. A constant reminder that she had let her mind wander too far, let her hopes fall too low... She shook her head quickly; no, she had to keep those thoughts at bay. Now was the time to focus on work, and nothing more. She quickly finished unloading the box onto the shelf, bringing the empty container into the back room. Focus on work and nothing more....

Last Edit: Dec 25, 2015 4:55:17 GMT by Nalytia

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 10, 2015 3:24:58 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jun 10, 2015 3:24:58 GMT

Being back in Iadlain town was a slightly strange feeling. Not a bad one, really – familiarity still traced every line of old wood, every crack in the pavement as Cassair wandered unseen down the streets, and there was something undeniably nice about this – but a strange one nonetheless.

He would allow himself to be seen – slowly, gradually – later today, and he suspected the strangeness would disappear along with it. Wrapping himself back up in the small workings and routines of the town would make it fit comfortably around him again, he was sure, like an old garment that was just a little stiff from being unworn for so long. And so, for now, he simply walked through the narrow streets with a plain, roving expression on his face and a small wicker basket hanging lightly from one hand, gathering little details and taking care of a few things before he made his presence around town known.

The Merilindes’ shop soon came into view and, mindful of both his invisibility and injury, he pushed gingerly on the door with his free hand, just enough to allow himself to slip inside.

He left the motion and small chiming of the door’s bell go unmasked, a courtesy of sorts to give Moriel a clear clue of his arrival, if she was indeed inside. Standing in the alchemy store now, Cassair cast a quick, appraising glance all around, taking note of the shelves and emptiness and general condition of the place, before tilting his head towards the back room door. There was a definite rustling coming from there, of someone at work. Hmm.

He drifted over towards the room, peered inside and then stepped further in when he noticed that yes, here she was. Still unseen, he just observed Moriel quietly for a moment, as if taking notes about her as well. Then, finally, he shed his obscuring glamour and offered, in a very mild and normal tone, “Hello, Moriel.”

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 10, 2015 4:05:49 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 10, 2015 4:05:49 GMT

Moriel had been in the middle of unloading another crate into the box she had before when she heard something. She looked up and glanced towards the door to the shop's front end. Was that the bell....? She stayed standing like that for a moment, waiting to see if there were any footsteps or a voice calling out to be heard. When nothing came, she sighed, bringing her attention back to the task at hand. Hearing things nowadays was more or less commonplace for her—or at least she thought so, anyway. After all, she hadn't summoned anything in over a month now, and even before she went into the woods she was hearing things... But those things, at the very least, were voices. Like her summons were always there, even if she never had them present... Either that, or she was actually losing her mind and going crazy.

Even so, today, her mind was relatively quiet. There was a good chance that she really didn't have to worry about going crazy, or something going on with her summons after all... Of course though, the hope was short-lived, as out of the blue, someone said hello... Directly to her. Moriel blinked; of course her back was currently to the door, as the boxes she was getting supplies from were on the counter next to the basement door. So she couldn't actually see who was speaking to her.... Even though there was a very good chance that it was in her head again. Still though, this voice had a familiar... Ring to it. Like she should know who was speaking. And she was pretty sure she knew exactly who was speaking. But it couldn't possibly be them, because the owner of this particular voice had gone to Koben, and then to Belport, and then they disappeared with a bad injury. And it had stayed that way for the longest time. So it wasn't really possible that the person who spoke now....

Moriel didn't even realize how tightly she was gripping the jar in her hand... But at least she still knew she was holding onto something. So it was good then that—after swallowing hard and first glancing over her shoulder towards the entrance to the room to find the source of the voice—for once, she set he jar down on a surface instead of dropping it after being shocked. Ah, and shocked she was indeed. Her eyes went wide, she froze in place, and she must have stopped breathing completely. The only reason she knew she was still awake and alive and wasn't actually dead or dreaming was by the beating of her heart in her chest and the pain from her scars on it. This.... But it couldn't be real.... Could it...? Was it...?

"C..... C-Ca....." Was all Moriel managed to get out once she found her breath and voice again. Even with him standing right there, she still couldn't believe it.... It still wasn't—no, it was completely possible. She just never allowed herself the chance to believe it.... Until now.

Last Edit: Jun 11, 2015 19:31:02 GMT by Nalytia

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 10, 2015 7:50:16 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jun 10, 2015 7:50:16 GMT

Cassair stood there, tranquil, unmoving and uncomprehending as he watched Moriel try – and fail – to speak. Again that strange feeling surfaced, the feeling that something wasn’t quite wrong but wasn’t quite right either, and for a moment a stray thought alighted upon how odd people were being about his name lately. It was like it had become difficult to say, difficult to control, and that made it all the more puzzling to Cassair why they still opted for it when a simple returned greeting, he believed, would be easier on so many levels.

The thought fell away as he looked at the frozen expression in Moriel’s eyes, frozen like the words in her throat. Slowly, he tipped his gaze curiously downwards to where her fingers wrapped around the jar and the bones in her hand stood out beneath her skin, rigid, taut and just a shade too defined. More shadows, he noted, new and small and everywhere. Shadows beneath Iollan’s eyes, shadows inside Moriel’s cheeks.

“I came to see you,” he remarked, voice still quiet and uncomplicated, but there was a slight question in his inflection now, as if to check whether he was actually welcome here. Moriel usually gave clear enough signs – smiles, stops, streams of words – but right now he just couldn’t tell.

“These are for Moriel,” he went on mildly and, to indicate what he meant, he glanced briefly down at the basket in his hand, which held a small assortment of forest greenery. He met Moriel’s eyes again before making any further moves though, in case there were any hints she was willing to offer.

Last Edit: Jun 10, 2015 7:52:15 GMT by number11train

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 11, 2015 13:50:31 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 11, 2015 13:50:31 GMT

Moriel had stopped trying to say his name at this point, only managing to stare at the man before her. Everything about him seemed real enough, true enough... His eyes, hair, clothes... There couldn't and shouldn't have been a doubt in her mind that the person who stood before her was indeed the same man who left several months ago... And yet...

Moriel looked down at her hands now as he did, seeming surprised that she still had the jar in her hands; she could have sworn she put it down already. She turned around and set it down on the counter now; best to put it aside before she happened to drop it and it shattered on the floor, for she had had quite enough of those accidents already and was in no hurry to have anything else flowing through her system again. She glanced over her shoulder now, a worried crease forming across her brow. He spoke like him, said her name like him... Her doubts that it wasn't him were quickly beginning to fade. There really wasn't anymore reason to doubt... Right?

"You... Came to see me, did you...?" She started, still somewhat nervously. She glanced now at the basket as he did, her expression turning now from worry into surprise again. She would have to get a closer look it a bit later, but at a glance, she could tell the basket was filled with multiple ingredients... Ingredients she happened to be running low on by now. Had he kept the shop in mind all this time...? Did he remember their conversation from so long ago. After pressing her lips together a moment, she turned and faced him fully, and gave a nod at the table towards the side of the room. "Ah, those.... You can put them there... Cassair." She finally managed to get his name out, and even stood up straighter and spoke with a stinger voice. There was even a hint of a smile to go with it, but only just a hint for now.

Last Edit: Jun 11, 2015 18:14:43 GMT by Nalytia

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 15, 2015 6:46:38 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jun 15, 2015 6:46:38 GMT

Cassair simply watched as Moriel’s struggle seemed to move from her words to a quieter place beneath her expression, and then inclined his head in the smallest of nods when she echoed his statement. Yes, he was here to see her, and it was a good sign – he would take it as a good sign – when she finally turned and looked at him properly in response.

He smiled in return, still very mildly because her own face wasn’t quite at a smile yet, and moved obligingly towards the table she had indicated. There it was, there was the Moriel he was more used to; the one who spoke plainly and gave clear cues and was not abashed by his name. It only surfaced shallowly for now – something was still subdued, still shadowed about her, and he knew he was supposed to expect this – but it would do.

He placed the basket lightly on the tabletop, fingers trailing momentarily over the long, drooping heads on the horsetail plants, before turning his head to look at Moriel again. “These should be enough for a while,” he commented, tone still unobtrusive and conversational, and tilted another small, curious smile at her. “How has the shop been for Moriel?”

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 19, 2015 7:47:46 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 19, 2015 7:47:46 GMT

He smiled back at her—as she would have expected Cassair to do—rather weakly himself... but maybe it couldn't be considered weak. Maybe it was more.... subdued, than it was weak. Understandably so; she hadn't smiled properly herself, either. She watched him as he placed the basket down on the table, still a little hesitant to move from her own spot. What if everything that was happening now was just a dream? Sure, she had already decided that the Cassair that came before her now was no illusion, and sure, she had only really been having nightmares or dreamless nights up to this point, but still... It was difficult to believe he was really standing before her right now... And speaking so casually, a though he hand't gone missing for a few months.

She watched him worriedly as his fingers brushed the ends of the plants, before she cleared the look from her face in favor of a surprised one. Of course, his comment about the specific herbs had piqued her interest slightly, but what really got her was the question. How has the shop been? That question... "Th-the shop...?" Might be a bit difficult to answer. She glanced away now, clasping her hands together as she stood and thought on an answer. How had it been? Before she was depressed and bedridden, or after? This was only her first week back—barely that, as she had only been back and working there for about four days and on her feet for about five—, so it'd be difficult to explain how things were in that department.... Unless he already knew about what happened—what she tried to do. She glanced at him again; his expression didn't revel enough, nor did his actions... Aside from him visiting. But who didn't he visit randomly? That alone wasn't enough to tell why he asked that, or why he was there.... Best to just answer now and keep on going until she hit an actual block in the road.

"The shop.... Well, It's been work, that's for certain," She started, looking back at Cassair fully with another smile "Of course, I haven't had to do it alone. I've had help from a friend since..." She paused again, her smile disappearing as sadness briefly clouded her expression. However, she wiped it away quickly, returning to her smile, though it was noticeably less strong than it was before. "Since... Well, I'm sure you remember what happened... With My Mother, and all..." She wondered now how much Cassair did and did not know from his absence. Did he also know about the missing report? If he did, could that be why he was here? If not... Should she tell him?

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 24, 2015 9:53:47 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jun 24, 2015 9:53:47 GMT

Still watching Moriel from his sideways angle, Cassair remained silent and listened as she slowly pieced together a reply. For a moment her voice seemed strengthened, normal, and when she offered a proper smile, Cassair gave a simple but definite one in return. Her words and expression soon faltered again though, and then trailed off altogether as she reached the mention of her mother. Ah.

Cassair’s own smile didn’t quite leave his face but it softened into something more inquisitive and musing as he considered her broken sentence. Yes, of course he remembered what had happened with Daeris and that made sense why Moriel had received help from a friend to manage the shop. That was fine, that seemed logical.

But the way Moriel’s words had died in her throat said other things that Cassair couldn’t really read with just logic. Daeris’ departure from Iadlain was an old wound by now, he thought, one that hadn’t closed but Moriel shouldered and walked on with nevertheless. At this moment though, her tone skirted at the edge of something, as if afraid to touch a cut that was too new and tender and sore. So what was new?

Many things were new and not new at all because he had been away for so long. But there were things that he had been told and read and listened to, and it was probably enough for now.

“I remember,” he replied, simply, and shifted slightly on his feet so he was facing Moriel directly. “I have heard,” he added but ended the statement there, leaving whatever he had heard unspecified. There was an unquestionably certain and somewhat expectant look in his eyes now as he met Moriel’s gaze, one that indicated he knew more than was being said aloud but would not put it into words yet in case Moriel wished to say something about it first.

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 24, 2015 14:27:51 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 24, 2015 14:27:51 GMT

Once Cassair provided an answer, Moriel looked slightly surprised; He remembered... And he heard? What did that... She didn't have to wonder what he mean for long, because soon enough he looked her in the eye, and... She glanced away quickly, Did he know, after all? Who could have told him? How many people knew what happened... She knew for a fact that Mae didn't really like speaking to or being near the Count at all, so it couldn't have been her. Plus, she probably would have told Moriel that he was back as soon as she knew about it. Gal... He was still away, so that was unlikely too. Maybe through the grapevine; citizen's gossip? But it's already been a month, so the Rumors would have died out by now, as well. The chances of Diarmit seeing Cassair and saying anything were about equal to Iollan so... Who told him...?

"I...." Moriel started, realizing she had probably kept quiet too long, "You.... You've heard...?" She tried to look at Cassair again, but ended up merely staring at the ground instead, suddenly unable to meet his eye. Though there was a good chance he was only talking about the Missing Statement concerning her Mother, there was an even greater chance he had been talking about... That. What was she supposed to say then? Should she act like he was speaking about the former, rather than the later? IT would be a good start, considering it was partly the former that brought about the events of the latter.

"Uh... It... It was a real surprise.... When I received that letter," Moriel said, starting a little weakly. Though she still couldn't look him in the eye, she did look back towards with with a weak, sad smile. "I was... Happy to see that she wasn't... That nothing too awful had happened to her, but... Still, getting that letter... And hearing the news about you, too.... It was all just a big shock, all at the same time.... I really wasn't expecting it..." She trailed off again, looking away from Cassair as she turned back around to focus on what she was stocking before he had walked in. At least she had managed to explain that much without any hiccups. That part was easy... The next part wouldn't be.

Last Edit: Jun 26, 2015 4:07:20 GMT by Nalytia

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 25, 2015 6:50:39 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jun 25, 2015 6:50:39 GMT

Cassair’s expression didn’t change at all as first a too-long silence stretched out between them, and then Moriel’s words emerged, halting and uncertain. Even though she didn’t meet his eyes, he watched hers plainly, and tilted his head very slightly to one side as she trailed off again. Yes, the letter, he knew about the letter. He had looked over all the war reports that had come in during his absence, including his own, though a fragment of puzzlement clouded over why Moriel would mention him during this. His report should not have affected Moriel? He brushed the thought off after only a moment, settling for the more immediate and easy understanding that yes, Moriel had probably not liked the letter about Daeris at all.

Though she didn’t quite phrase it that way, so was it so? Surprised, happy, shocked. They didn’t seem like the right words, though Cassair could never be completely sure, and he turned them over in his head for a few seconds before deciding he wasn’t going to grasp their real meaning without asking. “Moriel was not happy though, was she?” he remarked mildly, still watching her, and after another pause he added, still in a carefully neutral, unobtrusive tone, “What happened?”

Again, he left his words open-ended, undefined, so that Moriel could direct them herself if she wanted to. Had she actually finished or was there more she meant to say? Unmoving and patient, Cassair just waited for now.

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 25, 2015 16:40:58 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 25, 2015 16:40:58 GMT

Again, Cassair caught Moriel off guard with his question, and again, she was silent and still as she thought over an answer. Moriel was not happy though, was she? An oddly specific question... But not out of place when considering the fact she had mentioned she was "happy" about some of the news... And when considering how she had been acting. She frowned slightly, but before she had the chance to answer his first question, he came out with another: What happened? Ah, there it was. She knew the question would come soon enough, but still, when it was asked...

Again, there was a long period of silence, though this one was longer than the last. Moriel kept her back to Cassair during that time, thinking about how she should answer, how she was supposed to telling what happened, what she did... But it wasn't something that was easy to say or do. What was she supposed to say...?

Eventually, she pursed her lips and swallowed tightly, turning around to face Cassair again. She had a serious look on her face, though her eyes showed... Fear, perhaps? Her hands were at her sides, balled into tight fists, though if one were paging close enough attention, it was easy to see that they were shaking, ever so slightly... She took a deep breath, and let out a shaky sigh, looking at Cassair again before she looked at the door behind him. "Cassair.... T-to.... To answer that question.... We.... We have to start out there... In the main part of the shop...." Without really waiting for his answer, Moriel started walking, going out past him to the front door, turning around the open sign so that it read closed to anyone else who might have wanted to enter. Once done, Moriel let out another steady sigh to try and calm herself down, looking back to the door to the rear of the shop. This was going to take some effort to get through...

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 28, 2015 4:09:58 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jun 28, 2015 4:09:58 GMT

The silence seeped into the air between them like some growing stain but still Cassair said nothing, did nothing as Moriel stayed facing away from him. Eventually she turned and he met her eyes, though it wasn’t long before she looked away again and, in a slightly shaking voice, set her odd parameter. Out there in the main part of the shop? Yes, Cassair was fine with this. He wouldn’t have made much of it either, except Moriel was being all strange now, so strange.

What had that been on her face? Whatever it was, it sent a different kind of calmness through him, the deliberate, careful calmness of someone approaching a skittish animal or treading on brittle ground. His own expression still blank and peaceable, Cassair followed Moriel obligingly out of the room. As he did, the images of tiny, delicate plants started to unfold from his footsteps, leaving a trail of green growth behind him, and while Moriel was turned away from him again to change the shop sign, clusters of small white flowers started to open gently around him as well.

He stopped crafting the illusion when she turned back, letting it sit passively like some attempt to induce tranquility, or maybe just indicate that if the current reality was too difficult for her then they could always switch to a different one, at least superficially.

Either way, Cassair stood still again and would make no more ripples until she did.

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jun 28, 2015 7:56:35 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jun 28, 2015 7:56:35 GMT

She rose her eyebrows in surprise a bit at Cassair; there were... Plants around him. around his feet. Really nice looking plants and flowers, at that. She spent another moment focusing on the plants before she looked back at him; was he trying to make the situation more comfortable for her? At the thought, she gave him a bit of a smile; maybe he was a bit worried about her himself, in his own strange little way, like everyone else was. Well, as much as she wanted to get rid of everyone's worry, and go back to acting the way she used to, she just couldn't yet. Not until she got all of this off of her mind.

"I.... I'm not sure where the best place to start would be..." she began, looking around the room for a moment. Finally though, she settled on going over to the counter. "I guess it's best to begin here, with... Ah, this." She bent behind it, glancing over the shelves for a second before she found what she was looking for and pulled it out. "I... The day I received this letter, I guess... It was only short while after I heard about you and the state of your health before you disappeared that I got this..." She put a folded piece of paper along with a torn envelope down on the counter, the envelope itself bearing the official seal of the Koben Military on it's back. She frowned at the letter slightly, as if wondering why she had pulled it out or why it was still there, before she looked over at Cassair, saying, "It... It goes into detail about... My Mother and her own disappearance, you see.... There were two others that had been with her when they came across Miras Troops and some other man of importance... He let out a surprisingly powerful attack, and if not for the Mage's shield, my mother would have been hit too... And instantly killed... But following that, they also reported that said important figure was very weak, and they told her to go and kill him, and she obeyed and carried out the task... But everything else after that is a blank, as they were knocked out after that, and once they woke up, she was gone, and the only traces of her that remained were her uniform cap... And the Man was also gone."

Moriel glanced back at the letter again, staring at it with a more neutral expression now as she finished, "So... They believe she's being held as a Prisoner of War right now, though they just have her listed as Missing in Action.... I guess you could say that, combined with your news, was a pretty hard hit on me...."

Last Edit: Jun 28, 2015 7:57:53 GMT by Nalytia

number11train
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You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jul 3, 2015 4:39:38 GMT

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Post by number11train on Jul 3, 2015 4:39:38 GMT

Cassair stayed where he was, framed by dark shelves and scattered flowers, as Moriel moved to the counter and took out something from behind it. Following the path of her fingers with his eyes, he observed the two pieces of paper she laid out against the wood and then looked up at her, curious and listening, when she did the same.

Again, she made that mention of his own report which didn’t quite make sense to him, but Cassair didn’t linger on it as she spoke on about Daeris. Miras troops, a man of importance, a prisoner of war. His expression stayed quiet as he considered these things, mirroring Moriel’s neutral gaze towards the letter when it seemed like she was done speaking. It was a quite detailed report then, that she had been given about Daeris, and although she concluded the explanation on a clearly negative note, Cassair had some difficulty interpreting it that way. ‘Prisoner of war’ meant ‘alive’, didn’t it? It had neither the uncertainty of ‘missing’ nor the finality of ‘dead’, so was it really such a bad thing, did it really hit so hard? Maybe it was, maybe it did – the concepts of sympathy (or was it empathy? He could never be sure) continued to escape him, so he just didn’t know.

But he would try anyway, to at least tread correctly around this. Keeping his appearance mild, he simply remarked, “I see,” and looked at the paper some more, searching for the right thing to say next. “Did Moriel take the hit?” he finally asked, following the logical-seeming thread of her words rather than trying to touch upon the things he didn’t understand.

Nalytia
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Who will bring me the Ring?

Posts: 252

You Look Like You've Seen A Ghost (Moriel, Cassair)[FIN] Jul 10, 2015 7:02:50 GMT

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Post by Nalytia on Jul 10, 2015 7:02:50 GMT

"Well, I mean... I suppose that in retrospect, I might have taken the whole situation a bit extremely since I wasn't thinking straight, but...?" She paused now as he said his 'I see", and looked back at him curiously to see what else he might have said... Only to completely freeze again. there it was, that question. He jumped to the conclusion very quickly... Or was she the one jumping to conclusions? Cassair was always an obscure person with his words, and one had to pay close attention to what he said in order to keep from coming across a misunderstanding. The man himself was practically a riddle, so what was stopping what he said from being types of riddles, as well?

Moriel sighed, giving the letter and then the Count himself a hesitant look, before her eyes finally settled on the shelves behind him. Folding the letter back up and returning it to where it had come from, she moved from behind the counter now and headed towards the shelves , adjusting her shirt slightly before she started speaking again. "D—did I... Take the hit...? Well, I guess you could say I did... But like I said, I wasn't thinking straight... And That's mostly because of this." She pulled a bottle from the shelf of opaque liquid that also seemed to hold just the slightest glow. "It was something new I had been working on... You probably saw one of the mixtures for it down in the basement last time you visited. It's original purpose was to act as a painkiller, but... If anything, it ended up acting more as an anti-depressant than a painkiller—though while under it's influence, I'll admit that it wasn't possible for me to feel any pin—!" She stopped abruptly, realizing what she had been saying, looking surprised at her own words. Well, she knew she was going to tell him anyway, but to make it sound like that...? She felt as though she made it loo worse than it was... Not to say that the whole situation was any good to begin with.

She looked back at Cassair now, trying to snap herself out of her shock. "I—I.... R-rather... It was more like.... Someone who I didn't want reading the letter.... I happened to catch them looking t it, and it startled me... So I happened to be holding one of these in my hands at the time and I dropped it. While cleaning it up, I cut myself, and some of it got into my system, and from there, well.... I guess it just went downhill..."